Category Archives: Life

Job — a little behind

I had to exercise my “freedom/independence” for a couple days but it’s time to get back on the “Revue” grind!  We’ve moved into the book of Job now, starting last week —- this is from Job 1 & 2


It’s interesting how we were just talking about arrogance and pride. Job is one of those books that can catch you completely off guard if you ain’t careful. It is a book that exposes arrogance on every level…and “arrogance” is a crafty deceiver.

I know I’m getting ahead of myself (and the readings!) but it’s crazy how many times the book of Job has been used to back up the idea of “taking back what the devil stole”. First off, the “devil” ain’t STEAL nothin’….Yahweh GAVE it. We et stuck at that! “Ooooh how can a good Gawd do something like that to him??? Why LAWD???” What we really mean is “I’m just as blameless and perfect as this dude Job was supposed to be! How could the God who’s supposed to be so good do something like that to ME?” *Ahem*Pardon me but who told YOU that you were all that?? God ain’t even tell Job! He told the cat who was trying to accuse Job.

Sidebar: Satan and all his minions are idiots, but that’s what arrogance can do. Like dude, God just TOLD you to fall back. He asked you where you’d been because He already knew what you were out looking to do. Satan missed hint #1 (1:7). Then Yahweh OFFERED UP some information that Satan obviously wasn’t gonna mess with before. Like Haman almost, you know you can’t stand this dude but you also know you can’t come at him straight up! Punk. NOTHING about that made you stop and wonder WHY he was droppin’ you this jewel?!?! It didn’t simply because all you heard was how awesome this rat-faced Job was and got HIGHLY UPSET!!! Satan was so mad that he made a promise to God AGAINST the person God just bigged up!!! I can just see God chuckling under his breath at verse 12 like “oh well, I tried to warn you. Go’head playa….oh, but don’t forget who controls this game.” And Satan silly self went skipping off like he was really about to do somethin!!

Chapter 2 starts the same game. It’s crazy how Satan wanna tear other people down and accuse them of stuff but always had to “present himself” before God. You ain’t that important and it’s OBVIOUS to everybody except YOU!! You have to make an account for yourself just like everybody else – especially because you’re a liar. So God gave you another opportunity to fall back and if not humble yourself, just admit defeat. But oh no, you can’t do that. 2:3 God just told you that you lost, but you’re gonna go in again.

I ain’t even gonna take time on his wife. Ain’t nobody got time fa’dat!! LOL

But I do wanna look at his friends, rather a possible connotation of this part of the story. At first glance, it seems on the up&up. We want our friends to come through and be there for us when we’re going through difficulty. And I know that it’s customary to grieve like or more than the one going thru. But WHY IS THAT?? The word used in 2:11 for what his friends heard about Job’s plight is “רעה”…granted, it means bad and distress, but it also means EVIL. Their behavior reminds me of black funerals. When people die, yes it’s sad, but if we’re all believers, what makes it BAD/EVIL?!? It’s NOT the last time we’ll ever see them (if WE make it through the gates!!) and we know that they’re literally in a better place. All Job lost was stuff that could be REPLACED…even Job knew that. That’s not to minimize the things he lost but it already tells that the friends came in with the wrong idea from jump. They weren’t weeping because they could see that Job had given up on God…they were weeping because of what they saw on the outside. They only saw his outward while God was always looking at his heart. So while they came in rolling around, throwing dirt in the air and trying to jump in the casket (TAKE ME LAWD!!!), Job didn’t say nothing for at least a week. I wonder if Job saw them coming and was like “here we go…dese negros!!” LOLOL


I can’t seem to turn my “focus” switch on today.  I’ve picked out the books I need to read and the workbook and homework I wanted to plow through because I’m sitting in a Modern Hebrew class tonight; laid my pen and pencil next to my journal notebook, sat at my desk…….and started looking out the window.

It’s so strange today because it’s not distraction. I know when I have so much on my mind that I’m all over the place but never in the place I should be. That’s not it. Today I’m ready, willing, and able to “get ‘er done”…I just haven’t yet, and short of going back to bed and starting over, this was my only other outlet to try and break through.

I guess this is cathartic because I’ve opened the same book and read the same 4 and a quarter pages of said book like twice since I’ve started writing this, which is a far cry from where I was 3 hours ago.

All I know is that this gotta pass.

Revue: Esther today

**the Book of Esther, chapters 7 and 8**


It just got REAL!!!!!

Esther is so dope to me. She didn’t stop in the middle of the party to pull the king aside and remind him that they had something to talk about. She let him come to her again. That just struck me as awesome. I know I can force situations because I don’t trust that the people in them are gonna be true to their word;  or I create scenarios in my head of how something COULD happen. Like being shook at how God’s perfect will is gonna play out – it’s just how sneaky arrogance is – I won’t pray his perfect will be done because I think I already KNOW how a situation MIGHT turn out!!! How insane is that thought process?!?!?  Unlike Esther, I’m so afraid of however I see the outcome, that I try to force the outcome.
Now, someone could look at it as Esther just stalling because she was shook (*insert neck rolls* “why she ain’t just tell him…how she gone keep having banquets for him?!?!” *insert more neck rolls*). But I think she was simply connected and patient.  Especially after how she responded to the king. She made sure never to BLAME him or even hint that it was his fault – even though I’m sure she knew that the only way a law like that could have made the books is if HE allowed it. She wasn’t all up in her feelings about her husband being part of the issue because 1) she was very clear on who he was, and 2) she was very clear on the REAL issue. It’s like the chicks who always wanna fight the other woman but NEVER address their “man”. They let their little hurt feelings distract them from the real problem and the real culprit. Esther’s response had none of that. She even went so far as to affirm his trust in her. She turned it back to him basically saying that ‘had the issue only hurt me and not you, I wouldn’t even have bothered you. But since THIS plan will really cause YOU problems, I had to tell you.‘ And on top of feeding his ego a nice porterhouse, she was saying too that “Boo, you KNOW I ain’t no drama-queen or nag. You know I would have stayed in my chambers if it wasn’t that deep.” But a woman GOTTA KNOW IN HER HEART that she really ain’t that drama-queen or nag in order to stand like that.  Verse 7 (chapter 7) had me in stitches!  The king was so mad he had to excuse himself; and I can see him out there kicking over statues and flipping over benches talking about “Ain’t dis some *\#^%$&@!!!! Dis supposed to be my DUDE and he trying to off what’s MINE?!?!? Ohh HELLLLL NAW….NOT TODAY!!!!!”  Then he comes back in to see this idiot all up on his wife?! At that point I’m sure the king ain’t really care that he was begging for his life — because he SHOULDA BEEN!!!
I’m trying to figure out how the dude Harbona knew so much about Haman’s plan….UNLESS he was one of those “friends” that Esther 5:12 was talking about!! You better be real careful about being a snake because you won’t see who around you might have snake tendencies.  Cause this cat was QUICK to throw Haman under the bus, rather in the noose.  But if he, Harbona, was one of the kings eunuchs, and Mordecai dropped dime on two OTHER eunuchs, would he have NOT known about how the king felt about Mordecai saving his life?!?! Or maybe he was one of the people from Esther 6:13 who was trying to warn him, Haman, to fall back from being in his feelings about Mordecai in the first place. So by Esther 7:9, he was like “Hey, we tried!! HANG HIM!”
Last thing is that it seems to me that when king realized that he made a bad call, he coulda saved himself and Vashti lot of heartbreak if he had just stopped and said “Yo…this was stupid! Go get my signet ring so I can get my queen back!”   He was KING for cryin’ out loud – he could have done whatever he wanted, the same way he flipped the decree in Esther 8:8. But then too, HE was the one who was all nostalgic in the Vashti situation. In order to fix that, he would have had to fall on his own sword. This most recent situation was “technically” Haman’s fault so he got a BOGO: make a complete example of him AND make his words mean nothing. Beware of people who go hard to “hang you” and make YOUR wrongs right, but won’t fix the stuff they single-handedly shattered into pieces.

In Revue

My Jesus crew is studying the Word book by book. A lot of times it’s called “The Bible in a Year”, but because we’re looking to really dig in and not just read, we’ll probably be working through it til 2016 (which is just fine by me)!

Anyhoo, since I do it everyday anyway – I’m gonna drop off the things that I got from what we went through that day, a “review” of the information, if you will.  It’ll help me stop being lazy and hopefully you’ll enjoy some of the breakdown. Win-win.

For more semantic minded people, you’ll notice that the title of this is ‘In “REVUE”‘…and that’s more the feel that I usually have. It won’t be overly technical and I try not to be too satirical (although sometimes the topic just BEGS for it!! It’s just too easy!!) or cynical (which is simply my own personality issue!).

We’re in the Old Testament and are up to Esther, so next stop: Esther 7 &  8.

Disclaimer on a “Cool” posting

**From the gate, if you are extremely adverse to four to six letter words, you may wanna close your eyes on this one.**

If you’re a dancer, or like to dance,  or have any friends who like to dance, and you’re anywhere in the Tri-State area, then you’ve very likely heard of the Freedom Party.  (As a matter of fact, it’s FRIDAY…pull your hair into a ponytail, throw on some cute jeans/leggings, dancin’ shoes – like seriously, don’t play yourself and wear heels – and a top you don’t mind sweatin’ out and get there!  Digression!! Sorry…not the point…)

Well, one of the spin-masters of that party, Herbert Holler, also lets us into his very interesting mind during the week and below is something he sent this week.  I totally agree with him so I told him I was gonna re-post and in his “coolness” he said ‘sure’.

Now I’m sure you’ll notice that he’s coming from the scene on the “other side”, but really, just how different is it in somr churches? How many churches have you attended where it’s more important to get “turnt up” in the spirit than to just rejoice in the Lord?   I’ve been countless places where you really would think they were on ‘molly’ at 830 Sunday morning….but ask them what the Word of the Lord was and they couldn’t tell ya.  Ooooooh, but the “spirit was HIGH”!!! LOL

So I think we all need to re-evaluate what “cool” is/was and maybe try to get back to it just a little.

Anyway, here’s his email…like I said, there are some previously edited expletives that I’ve left (but you know what they mean) so if you’re highly sensitive to that be aware. Oh, and please don’t run to the left and think the entire post deals with the one situation mentioned, that’s simply an example.



What happened to “cool?”
I know, I know. A bunch of you that I’m friends with on Facebook, or that follow me on Twitter, already read some of this inner dialog. I want to take a minute to really flesh it out though, if not for the sake of this semi-pseudo market research, then at least for the sake of ending my latest obsession. Finding some closure. Maybe even coming up with a passable theory.
So? What happened to it?
In today’s scene, all I hear is “turn up” and “live tonight…like it’s the last night of your life” and all that YOLO sh*t. What happened to just…layin’ up in the cut, chillin’, not acting crazy, just falling back and being easy? What happened to that?! For real?!
When I was growing up, everybody wanted to be cool. Today, it seems like everyone wants to be seen as some superpowered berzerker megaparty time-bomb freakazoid that gives no f***s about anyone or anything. Like “Yeahhh!! We on molly! We on molly!” Really, my dude?! You just swallowed some pure MDMA? That’s great, but why do you have to announce it to the world? I mean, should you?! If there’s anything to be subtle about, it’s your recreational drug activity, you dork.
(I said “dork.” Damn I haven’t heard that one in a while.)
Have you no tact? No cool?
Somehow, and none of us ever saw this coming, EVER, but somehow, being cool became very uncool. Understating hints of a lack of confidence or some type of sadness or melancholy. Being subtle is a personality disorder. Why are you not plastering your good fortune all over every bit of social media? Why are you not taking 100 pictures of yourself in your new outfit and letting us see every one of them? You got a promotion at work? Why come you ain’t tell everybody (including the person’s spot you took) and take a Vine of yourself doing a little happy dance?
 To me, this is cool:


This is not:
“Fun” is so much funner when it’s not forced. “Crazy” only works when you do little to nothing to be crazy. You just is. Crazy! I don’t believe you when you spend time on trying to tell the world you’re crazy. If you make an effort to be “wild,” you are not wild. Miley Cyrus’ tongue has become a prop, a willful gesture dropped on cue for a camera. She’s not wild, crazy, or even slutty, like she desperately wants you to believe. Hungry, maybe? I don’t know. Maybe she’s vision impaired and has found a way to use her toungue to get a better picture of her environs, like a snake?
Eh, I don’t believe you.
It’s like the cool kids at school. ‘Member them? I liked them, no problem with them, at times wanted to be rolling with them (but never did cuz I would never change who I was–an extrovert who liked to clown around a lot). If you analyzed the cool-kid crew, there was the nucleus of cool kids, the two or three who were genuinely “cool,” naturally, and had no idea that they were cool, and would probably even laugh and deny it like, “who me?” They was some cool muhfuggiz that I rocked with. It was the hangers on, though, that were faking. The electrons spinning around the nucleus that were trying too hard to be down with the cool core, the ones you knew weren’t really cool (they knew it too), and coincidentally, the ones that always had to remind the world they were cool and you were not. They were, more often than not, the biggest d*cks in that crew cuz they had to prove that which was so painfully obvious: They were really not cool at all.
Perhaps I’m just getting old.
I look at Miley and try not to judge, try not to see a hot mess, and instead judge her parents. (They failed.) I look at pop culture, today’s youth market, and feel more and more detached from it. I try to relate to these kids, make excuses for their behaviour, remember when I was a irreverant miscreant myself (rappin’ every word to Eazy-E’s “Still Talkin'”), but the more I try to be something I’m not, the more obvious it becomes I’m exactly the thing I’m fighting. Yesterday at the gym, I found myself passing the ball to dude in the post. Somebody said that was “old school.” And here I thought that was just good basketball! What…Am I supposed to pass it to you, so you can do your best Iverson impression and take on the whole team yourself, drive the lane with 5 dudes on your back, only to miss a layup, call “ball” and get into an argument with both teams and everybody in the gym?
I’m not getting old.
I feel like I’m just getting smart.  (Finally.)
Though the other day I tucked my t-shirt into my sweatpants…that isht is OLD!

Valentiney and a Sweet Treat

The emotion of love fades…
hurt and disappointment will see to that.
The state of love ends…
death will make certain of that.
The action of love never stops…
I am convinced and certain that nothing –
not dark nor light
not good or evil
not up or down
not even hell can separate us from Love.


And now…Kirk Whalum and Lalah Hathaway…

Last and Least

There is a difference between the ‘last’ and the ‘least’.

When all you have is $1 and you give .90 cents, that’s your last.

When you have $1 million dollars and you give .90 cents, that’s your least.


“The world is neither so full of evil that we can’t enjoy it, nor so full of goodness that we can abandon ourselves to it.

When we see something beautiful, there is always the qualifying thought that it is tarnished. When we see something ugly, there is always the qualifying thought that there is something of the Creator hidden there.”

-Steve Turner, Imagine: A Vision for Christians in the Arts

Slow Down

It seems everything and everybody is on steroids. Nothing lasts more than a nanosecond and there’s something wrong with you if you blinked and missed it. Even my Christian family has fallen victim with microwave worship, prepackaged sermons, and shabba-dabba-doo life coaching.

I was listening to an interview with Blue’s Daddy (formerly known as Jay Z/S[dot]Carter). He was talking about music and dropped these gems (I’m paraphrasing here) but I think he’s on to something even beyond that:

We have to figure out how to slow…down. When I get something, I’m gonna live with it for a while. Let it sink in and move me – really take hold.  I’m not gonna let anybody speed up my process. I don’t care what’s happening out there. My life is tailor made for me and nobody can force me into something that ain’t genuine for me just so they can move on to the next thing.


There is a population of us that have been deceived into thinking that we are not supposed to shine.  That our destiny is and could only be found in “behind-the-scenes” action and that when presented, our choice should always be practicality.  As a result, our lamps are placed under our beds (in the far corner) and we have decided that the best thing for us to do is live vicariously through everyone else’s idea of how our lives should be. Our voices have been stilled and our gifts have relegated to hobby status. And each time we do attempt to branch out and reach higher, it’s SO uncomfortable that we ensure our own failure.

This time though, before you get down on yourself and start sipping the pity-party and inferiority kool-aid, just know some things.

1. The simple fact that you had enough faith to do SOMETHING – counts for a lot. There are millions of people who chose fear over faith and confidence…and they’re probably part of the community that tried to kill your dreams off.

2. The more you do a thing, the better at it you become…and the more comfortable. And once you start, don’t let that icky ‘duck out of water’ feeling stop you (that’s what it’s there to do).

3.  There’s a whole community of believers rooting for your success in the best way. They’re just waiting for you to realize whose you are, who you are, and what you’ve been gifted.