Author Archives: theflufffreejournal

My Best Friend’s Wedding

Yesterday was my best friend’s wedding.
My best friend of 25 years.
A dude.
No, a man.
A grown man.
A man with the love of God in his eyes.
A man with the glow of love shining through his tux.
At the “I do’s”, my best friend became a husband and father at the same time…but as I watched him all day (and yeah…I couldn’t take my eyes of of them), I wondered whether this is exactly who he has always been.
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Da Lone Wolf Syndrome

There are so many quotes about the “strength” and “power” of riding out on your own – as a “lone wolf”. I have partaken of the Kool-Aid (red, please) and believed that I was better alone. Or worse, I spun my introversion into a liberated seclusion.

I tell you…it’s all a lie. Or, maybe not all lies – but definitely part fantasy.

No one was created to function alone; definitely not at their greatest capacity. And that isolation was never liberating – it was always debilitating – because the only place you find a single person subjected to utter solitude is in prison.


Fo’sho

“It is not a mistake to have strong views. The mistake is to have nothing else.”    – David Morrow & Anthony Weston, Workbook for Arguments: A Complete Course in Critical Thinking

Enough. Please stop it. I don’t believe what you believe. I disagree with you.

I am neither -phobic, anti-, -in, un-, or dis- or any other prefix or suffix that is convenient to make one feel better about being disagreed with.

But guess what? I can also love and care for you deeply. I can be wholeheartedly concerned about you and what hurts or harms you.

…….And that’s even more fun.


Rantings….

I just have a couple thoughts:

There are Christian women who no longer believe in marriage. That annoys me to no end. They’ve allowed what they see and the ignorance that is rampant even in our community to turn them from the ONE thing they should never give up on.  And there’s a difference between believing you are called to a life of singleness and not believing in marriage. One has faith attached, the other fear.

Let me add some caveats before I start: I am fully woman…have been all my life.  I am fully single…with no romantic prospects on the horizon.  I am NOT a virgin…but there are days I wish I was.  I have skated on the verge of engagement a couple times…but never secured the actual commitment.

I’ve found that two dichotomous things are usually at work: 1. even if you don’t recognize them, there ARE men (emphasis on MEN) who are not only good for your body, but for your spirit and soul.  These are the cats that will not just wait for you, but they’ll be waiting period. And when he finds you, he’ll know what it is because he’s already been to God, Jesus, AND the Holy Spirit about it; and 2) JUST because you have concentrated on his waiting, doesn’t mean that HE has.   If all you’re doing is focusing on what he’s doing, you’ve already lost.  Because sure, he might not be pressuring you about it, but he just might not be “waiting” for you either.  There are many other women who will serve his declared needs and never think a thing about it.  It doesn’t mean he loves you or even remotely cares.  Some cats are simply serpent enough to give you what you want until you give them what they want.

 


Talk to me: Psalm 67 & 69

In the glorious name of the Only, the Alpha and Omega, the Omnipresent, indeed let the hearts of those who seek You rejoice!!! Because for those who seek, you will be found – you promised this to your people. When we call, you answer. No matter what the situation we can pour our every thought out to you and know that you will rescue us from every enemy – even if that enemy is US. Sometimes the mountain that needs to be moved or the enemy who tells disgusting lies to and about us are all on the inside. But your righteousness and mercy delivers us and saves us. Praise the name of the Lord for He is worthy to be praised!! Praise the works of the Lord because none can compare to our God!! Praise the Lord God almighty who formed us, made us, and chose us by His own good will and desire. What a blessing to be loved that way! And we are blessed simply because the Lord mighty in battle but gentle and humble in spirit is always on our side. No one has a God like our God because there IS no God like our God!!
In the matchless name of Jesus Christ, the perfect lamb that was murdered because of my sins, defeated death like it was nothing, now lives and intercedes for me protecting me from all harm and manner of evil and wickedness, so it shall be!!! Amen to the אמן


Talk to Me: Psalm 34 & Ecclesiastes 7

Father, in the name of Jesus,

I will praise you at all times. Not some time, but at all times. I will never stop singing his praises and ain’t nobody gonna have to do the praising for me.

I wish I was always one of the “humble people” who could “listen and be happy” and just brag about you. But most of the time, I’m just the opposite. I can’t hear you because I’m too wrapped up in what’s not making me happy. Situation, circumstance, stupidity.

There hasn’t been a single time that came to you for help and you ignored me. Like, ever. My mind and soul like to play tricks to the contrary but I have to know that’s just the stealing, killing, and destroying part of me. You always listen and you always deliver – no question and without fail. You have saved me from all that I feared. And WHY did I fear in the first place? Yo no se.

I know like I know my name that when I look to him for help, he will always put a smile on my face. I have no need or even reason to be ashamed. But for some reason, I seem to like it there so I force myself – no I indulge in the lies.

Even though you don’t have to, you tell me that I can “try” you. All you ask of me is to give you, my LORD and King, a chance to show me how good you are. You want me to test you. You want me to try you out…because You already know. Great blessings belong to those who depend on him! Fear and respect are all you ask. Not perfection, not even what I would consider my best efforts. Just respek. Because you said that anyone who respects you will always have what they need. No matter what the reality of my condition, all I have to do is find you. Make some noise and get to you and there’s nothing you won’t do for me. Nothing. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around that. You said you would give me everything. And considering you created everything…well, I can’t even articulate it properly. I’m yours and you’re mine and that’s all there is to it.

And so, I look at what you have made and I have to realize that I cannot change a thing, even if I think it’s wrong. All I know is that you commanded that I could eat from any tree in the garden, that the place you are taking me to will always have your name there as the one who Saw and made a way, and that you’ve given me not only wisdom but everything else that could possibly come with it. You said that when life is good, enjoy it. But when life is hard, all I have to do is remember that You give good times and hard times. And no one knows what will happen in the future. So I rest knowing that you got this.

I guess what bothers me the most sometimes is that in my short life, I have seen a little of everything – whether I wanted to or not. I have seen good people die young, and I have seen evil people live long lives. At times, it messed me up because I always wanted to ask You “why?” I used my wisdom and thought about all these things. I wanted to be wise, but I couldn’t do it. No matter how much I try to spin it around in my peanut head, I cannot understand why things are as they are. Frankly, it is too hard for anyone to understand. I studied and I tried very hard to find true wisdom. I tried to find a reason for everything.

But I’ll tell you what though. I did learn that it is foolish – stupid even – to be evil, and it is crazy to act like a fool. Especially me. Because I have the likelihood and more of a propensity to drag people down into foolishness when I’m acting like an idiot. So I can say, “I added all this together to see what answer I could find. I am still looking for answers, but I did find this”: God, you are Awesome, in the name of Jesus. And that’s enough for me.

In the name of Jesus, the name above all names and the name that makes the earth tremble.

So it shall be.

Amen to the אמן


While I Wait

I’ll pray. Then I’ll write because I pray while I wait.

That is all.