Father, in the name of Jesus,
I will praise you at all times. Not some time, but at all times. I will never stop singing his praises and ain’t nobody gonna have to do the praising for me.
I wish I was always one of the “humble people” who could “listen and be happy” and just brag about you. But most of the time, I’m just the opposite. I can’t hear you because I’m too wrapped up in what’s not making me happy. Situation, circumstance, stupidity.
There hasn’t been a single time that came to you for help and you ignored me. Like, ever. My mind and soul like to play tricks to the contrary but I have to know that’s just the stealing, killing, and destroying part of me. You always listen and you always deliver – no question and without fail. You have saved me from all that I feared. And WHY did I fear in the first place? Yo no se.
I know like I know my name that when I look to him for help, he will always put a smile on my face. I have no need or even reason to be ashamed. But for some reason, I seem to like it there so I force myself – no I indulge in the lies.
Even though you don’t have to, you tell me that I can “try” you. All you ask of me is to give you, my LORD and King, a chance to show me how good you are. You want me to test you. You want me to try you out…because You already know. Great blessings belong to those who depend on him! Fear and respect are all you ask. Not perfection, not even what I would consider my best efforts. Just respek. Because you said that anyone who respects you will always have what they need. No matter what the reality of my condition, all I have to do is find you. Make some noise and get to you and there’s nothing you won’t do for me. Nothing. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around that. You said you would give me everything. And considering you created everything…well, I can’t even articulate it properly. I’m yours and you’re mine and that’s all there is to it.
And so, I look at what you have made and I have to realize that I cannot change a thing, even if I think it’s wrong. All I know is that you commanded that I could eat from any tree in the garden, that the place you are taking me to will always have your name there as the one who Saw and made a way, and that you’ve given me not only wisdom but everything else that could possibly come with it. You said that when life is good, enjoy it. But when life is hard, all I have to do is remember that You give good times and hard times. And no one knows what will happen in the future. So I rest knowing that you got this.
I guess what bothers me the most sometimes is that in my short life, I have seen a little of everything – whether I wanted to or not. I have seen good people die young, and I have seen evil people live long lives. At times, it messed me up because I always wanted to ask You “why?” I used my wisdom and thought about all these things. I wanted to be wise, but I couldn’t do it. No matter how much I try to spin it around in my peanut head, I cannot understand why things are as they are. Frankly, it is too hard for anyone to understand. I studied and I tried very hard to find true wisdom. I tried to find a reason for everything.
But I’ll tell you what though. I did learn that it is foolish – stupid even – to be evil, and it is crazy to act like a fool. Especially me. Because I have the likelihood and more of a propensity to drag people down into foolishness when I’m acting like an idiot. So I can say, “I added all this together to see what answer I could find. I am still looking for answers, but I did find this”: God, you are Awesome, in the name of Jesus. And that’s enough for me.
In the name of Jesus, the name above all names and the name that makes the earth tremble.
So it shall be.
Amen to the אמן