Jill

“…How did I get here?
Played by all the rules, then they changed…
Lord, please hear my call. I am afraid for me.
Love has burned me raw, I need your healing.
God, please hear my call. I am afraid for me
Love has turned me cold, I need your healing.
………..please……please…..please”       -Jill Scott, “Hear My Call.”  The Light of the Sun

This song just gets all in my soul. I try not to listen to it while I’m out because I’m prone to both dancing to it and singing it at the top of my lungs (both kinda annoy people on the train).

Just how did I get here?  And by myself no less? I thought I was doing what You told me to. For me. For us. For Us.

When You said move, I moved. When You said hush, I shut my mouth.  When You said I was wrong, I tried to make it right.

I thought we were in this together.  You know, that “where two or three come together in Your name…”…yeah, I thought that was us. But I must have missed something because I’m here in the darkest place I’ve ever been. Alone.

The rules have definitely changed.

Or maybe they haven’t. Maybe it’s just that I wasn’t trying to play the game.