My heart breaks for you.
You don’t know better and that’s understandable. But you won’t hear anything either and that’s inexcusable. Choosing to be stubborn is the most foolish thing you can do for your life. But that’s the choice you’ve made and I have to allow you to live it. I wish you didn’t. I wish you’d just stop for a second and really see what you’re missing. Who you’re missing. How you’re missing it. But that’s not what you want right now. You’ve made that decision. And I have to allow you to live it.
Mainly because I know you’ll be back. They always come back.
“God did not intervene in salvation until Israel was desperate.
We are repeatedly moved to ask why God should be, humanly speaking, so slow in acting. The answer is not, as is so often suggested, that God’s time-scale is different than ours, though this is true enough.
It is that He must always first bring man to an end of himself and his hopes.”
– H.L. Ellison. “The God Who Acts”. The Message of the Old Testament p33
“…How did I get here?
Played by all the rules, then they changed…
Lord, please hear my call. I am afraid for me.
Love has burned me raw, I need your healing.
God, please hear my call. I am afraid for me
Love has turned me cold, I need your healing.
………..please……please…..please” -Jill Scott, “Hear My Call.” The Light of the Sun
This song just gets all in my soul. I try not to listen to it while I’m out because I’m prone to both dancing to it and singing it at the top of my lungs (both kinda annoy people on the train).
Just how did I get here? And by myself no less? I thought I was doing what You told me to. For me. For us. For Us.
When You said move, I moved. When You said hush, I shut my mouth. When You said I was wrong, I tried to make it right.
I thought we were in this together. You know, that “where two or three come together in Your name…”…yeah, I thought that was us. But I must have missed something because I’m here in the darkest place I’ve ever been. Alone.
The rules have definitely changed.
Or maybe they haven’t. Maybe it’s just that I wasn’t trying to play the game.
walking crawling through this “season”…looking, praying desperately for your answer when I actually had it all along.
James 5:10-11 My friends, remember the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Take them as examples of patient endurance under suffering [stress, pressure]. We call them happy because they endured. You have heard of Job’s patience, and you know how the Lord provided for him in the end. For the Lord is full of mercy and compassion.
Hang on, babe…just hold on. Don’t worry about what I’m gonna do or when I’m gonna do it or how I’m gonna do it. Just let me do me. Don’t you dare look down, to the left or to the right. Just keep looking at me. Straight at me.
I hate feeling shackled. I hate feeling caged it and trapped. I hate being utterly dependent because then I’m also vulnerable to being let down.
You dropping everything in my lap won’t change ME. It won’t teach me the one lesson that is the hardest to learn. Trust.