I was all ready to shine some love-light, cum-bah-yah on the world this morning, but that would be completely counter to the whole point of this blog. I don’t do fluff. Especially after I came to the full realization this morning that I’m pissed about my circumstances. And that’s been affecting everything.  That monster is slick because I hadn’t noticed how far in the thickets I was…it drained my spiritual batteries before I even realized what was happening.

I know all the Scriptures I need — He’s been feeding me with them daily.  I’m never out of prayer or my Word. Problem is that I’m also never out of my head either. I create the antithesis to every solution He’s given me. So I have the remedy…I just have a tough time actually applying it in times like these.  He’s been faithful and all that for the longest, then all of a sudden he comes along and does something (rather has me do something) I can’t explain and that I can’t see the end of.  I recognize, though, that my definition of faithfulness and His are two different things.  I HATE/LOATHE/DESPISE (add your own) it here because I feel completely bi-polar.  I know what I know in Him, but I also know what I’ve lived…and so the power struggle ensues.

Glory be to Christ that I never win out cause my side is just silly.  I will not sulk. I will not wallow.  Instead I’ll learn how to really trust in God in everything. Period.

2 responses to “Grrrrr

  • My2cents

    Your MIND is your greatest obstacle to overcome because you are always battling the left vs the right. Which way do you go? is always the question and knowing is half the battle. The best thing to do is focus on your inner peace. It’s there, you know it, because you spoke about it. Yes it is a struggle, it is frustrating because you don’t have CONTROL. We are used to having control and doing what we want to because it makes us comfortable. This is a period that is uncomfortable. It is forcing you to step out of your comfort zone (how dear HE). Put your energy and talents at work stop trying to get that K.O. in your head. All that fighting will get you no where. Think of it like those papers you had to finish you got them done may not have been your best work but you completed it. Let go and have an open MIND!

    • theflufffreejournal

      And what’s funny is that I don’t mind the lack of control part so much (cause I’ve never had any control – BC or AD! lol) Right now, it’s the having been level and steady, then feeling dropped off the edge to have to climb back up again. Always gives me that sinking feeling. But it’s because I’ve never taken full opportunity to HEAL of the reasons why that place bothers me so much. Now’s the time and I’m all the way in.

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