I was all ready to shine some love-light, cum-bah-yah on the world this morning, but that would be completely counter to the whole point of this blog. I don’t do fluff. Especially after I came to the full realization this morning that I’m pissed about my circumstances. And that’s been affecting everything. That monster is slick because I hadn’t noticed how far in the thickets I was…it drained my spiritual batteries before I even realized what was happening.
I know all the Scriptures I need — He’s been feeding me with them daily. I’m never out of prayer or my Word. Problem is that I’m also never out of my head either. I create the antithesis to every solution He’s given me. So I have the remedy…I just have a tough time actually applying it in times like these. He’s been faithful and all that for the longest, then all of a sudden he comes along and does something (rather has me do something) I can’t explain and that I can’t see the end of. I recognize, though, that my definition of faithfulness and His are two different things. I HATE/LOATHE/DESPISE (add your own) it here because I feel completely bi-polar. I know what I know in Him, but I also know what I’ve lived…and so the power struggle ensues.
Glory be to Christ that I never win out cause my side is just silly. I will not sulk. I will not wallow. Instead I’ll learn how to really trust in God in everything. Period.