It’s morning. It’s early. My wheels have already been in a perpetual state of spinning. All I have to do. All I haven’t done. How to get it all done. What’ll happen if it doesn’t get done.
There are many times when my first thoughts after opening my eyes are of everything that everyone else may need today. I already have my day mapped out in my dreams and usually wind up just as tired getting up as I was laying down.
I am a planner. Not that my self-hatched plans ever really work out, it’s just my defense mechanism. I am so used to having the rug pulled from under me that I try to make sure that I don’t ever miss anything. Today may be Tuesday, but I was already considering this day two weeks ago, and I’m already in the throws of wrestling with what might happen two weeks from now. Not because I have to, but because that’s just where my brain goes when I have no answers. And I have no answers except that Jesus is faithful and the Truth. And that should be enough except I still attempt to ensure myself the control I so desperately want but don’t have.
Thankfully, all I have to do is stop and remember that God is Sovereign (controls everything, rules everything, got everything sown up already) – and because He is, I can’t and don’t have to be.