I’m standing at a crossroads – a final crossroads – because this next decision will be the starting domino for the rest of my natural life. My obedience has begotten and necessitated more obedience and I’m being asked to trust far beyond my personal capability. As much as faith and trust should hold hands and sing ‘cum bah yah’ while working in tandem, they can’t if you won’t let them.
It’s time to move on. I’ve held on to my fears and “this place” long enough. Granted, they’ve been with me for 38 years – but that doesn’t make any difference now. The only thing I need now is the strength to keep pressing because I have “haters”. Those ones whose sole purpose is to keep you from accomplishing ANYTHING you set out to do. They crack jokes at your expense, they whisper discouragement in your ear, they talk about you behind your back, they lie and deceive other people to join in on their fun. I have more than my fair share of those. And what’s worse is that they all reside in me. I have at least two Sanballats, one Tobiah, four Sybils and a partridge running around freely in my own head. I don’t need anyone from the outside telling me how impossible this is or how insane that is because I am quite capable of expressing those things to myself.
And this is what has to change.